Decisions

Decisions are hard to make especially BIG ones but I made one today. At about 3am to be exact! I have been mulling over this particular decision for more than a year now but decided today to finally go ahead and take the plunge.

My good friends have said that if we have spent so long thinking about it, in the end just follow your heart which is what I have done. I have tried to look at it from all perspectives -- mine and the recipient -- but in the end what I want will have to prevail.

I made the decision to tell my mom that I don't want to work anymore. Not so much work with her but not work at all. I have been working from home since my son was born in July 2007 but as good as a deal it sounds, it isn't working out as much as I would like it to. I still feel that my time is not totally devoted to my children and the home as I still have to worry about work. And honestly I hate it. I have been thinking about this so long and wondering how to go about it. But last night, after dinner with the family, Bob and I were talking and he put it all on the table especially from a third party point of view. It was just as I saw it. I guess I just needed someone to tell me. I knew then that what I have been mulling over all this while is the right decision for me at least.

After all, it is all about me isn't it. I can't go on making other people happy and I can't just go on doing it because I have to for someone's sake. This is what I want. So I am sticking by it. There is something about letting it all out, especially since I have been mulling over it for more than a year.

I feel relieved that I have told my mom, I had to write it out in an email though as I know if I were to talk to her words will not come out right incase she starts getting erm, upset! So she has not responded but whatever it is, I have told her and she will know where I stand on this.

What do I want to do then you ask? Be a mother, isn't that a full time career too? More fulfilling one I might add!