Baby Blues

I have been deep in thought these past few days thinking and reflecting on things. Not life per say but just things. I have been thinking about trust and how we rely so much on certain expertise!

I found out I was 5 weeks pregnant about 3 weeks back and last week I was spotting a little which is always worrying for any pregnancy. I went to my regular GP at the nearby clinic for a quick check and he said nothing to worry about. The baby is okay but for me to take it easy and try to rest a lot. Ya, with 3 kids and one of them who is 14 months and just found legs, sitting in bed is a real luxury!

So I didn't give it much thought and tried best to rest. Then few days later the spotting persisted into slight blood spots so I thought maybe should go and visit the gynae which I did last Saturday. The wait was endless which is why I put off going there until really necessary. When I finally got to see her and explained the many situations, she did a scan and said hey! the baby is about 5 weeks and there is no heartbeat. HUH? oh .. ok ... what now? To confirm we used this machine called the Dopplar where it scans for the baby's heartbeat as well as identify if its living organisms.

Dr gynae explained why the clump of blood in the sac/womb is not living with the Dopplar scanner and showed the difference in other parts of my womb where there was blood flow. She advised to wash it out as the "baby" was not alive so to speak.

Of course I was crushed. Who wouldn't be rite? It was also four hours later and I was tired of sitting around doing nothing. So went home, cried my eyes out. But I listened to my very supportive friends who asked me to get a second opinion.

I called my BFF's bro-in-law Mr gynae and he said huh? wash out? at 5 weeks? no come back to see me in a week or anything? I said no ... he said strange. And advised me to hang on and come see him to check again in 2 weeks. Which is what I am doing now. Waiting for 2 weeks which will be end of next week.

Why I am telling this story is because Dr gynae has been my Dr for 9 years. She has delivered 3 of my children already and taken care of my most important part of the body etc etc etc. I am not questioning her judgement but shouldn't she have given at least some window of doubt that the heartbeat may just be late? I read on the net that a baby's heartbeat come anywhere between 6 weeks and 12 weeks. Which means maybe the hearbeat is just late? It would have been more comforting if she had said let's wait awhile or something just to be sure.

My first pregnancy happened this way too. I went for a check and the Dr couldn't find a heartbeat. She made me come back in a week before doing anything. True enough, the baby was no longer alive but she gave the window. Know what I mean?

I trust my Dr gynae, obviously! So I am a bit crushed actually that she was so quick to want to clean up so quickly, know what I mean? Many of my girlfriends also said this is part of the reason why they prefer male Drs as they are not so emotional. Hmmm ... perhaps.

Who knows what will happen when I visit Mr gynae next week but at least we have had that 2 week window before making a hasty decision.